Mar 31, 2010

Frazzled


It's only Wednesday.
The week is dragging;
It feels like
It should already be Friday.
Driving in to work
I put in the last CD to the audio book
“Chosen by a Horse”.
I knew the end was near
And I couldn’t deal with
What would result in smudged mascara and
A running nose.
I’d cry later and
I switched back to talk radio.
Even that couldn’t hold my attention.

Once at work
I had a cryptic email from a friend
That led me to believe he lost his job.
He had.
Another email from
My son’s teacher.
Another missed assignment
And concern for his grade.
I don’t remember school
Being this hard.
I also learned of another’s pain
Which was, no doubt,
A blow to her gut
Much worse
Than the one
I felt for her.
I needed to ride.


We coast through life
Most days,
Feeling like we are
Raising our kids right
Secure in our job
And loved by our family
And it frazzled me to think
It is all so fragile.
Nothing is a sure thing.
I needed to ride.

On my way home
I listened to the last chapters
Of that audio book
And I mourned the loss
Of Lay Me Down.
And I cried for my friends
And their families
And the losses they were
Tackling today
That will be with them for days on end.
I cried for my own vulnerability.
And what we take for granted
And shouldn’t.
I needed to ride.



At the barn
My mare stood quietly
As I tacked her up.
But once I was in the saddle
She was jittery and impatient
She made me work for it this time
No doubt she felt my anxiousness
Or sadness
Or whatever it was I was feeling
I’d like to think she knew
That I wasn’t right.
And that made us not right
But that I needed to ride.



As we moved further down the road
I could finally loosen her reins.
She snorted
I sighed.
And for that hour or so
My world was right.
Frazzled.
But okay.
And I rode on.

12 comments:

  1. It is always so uplifting to get out and ride, isn't it?

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  2. Sweet one...frazzled though you may be, I know that your mare and the ride helped.
    Your Sepia toned photos made the tone as it was in your heart...it looks old...and now it IS OLD and by the time you read this, maybe yesterday too. I pray for your friends sorrows and for your strength...
    love ya's,
    KK

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  3. A well written piece. I found it most intimate. Frazzled though you were, and sad maybe you are, thing about horses is, they provide an antidote.

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  4. Thank you for your writing - hope the ride helped a bit!

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  5. Amazing.

    I hope today is a better day.

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  6. There's nothing like a ride to cure our sadness. It's so good you were able to get out there with your horse.

    I just finished that same book last week. I can understand the sadness and tears at the end. Hope things are better today.

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  7. I have been feeling the same way. It must have been all the gray and browns of the winter, but now I'm seeing green grass. I know riding helps. I just need to get out to the fields. I'm glad you could let loose and let Windy go her way.

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  8. Nice, meaningful post. A horse can always either help us take our mind off things or help us think them through.

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  9. Nicely written! And I love the b&w photos!

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  10. I love what Nuzzling Muzzles said. I suppose that is what is meant by the quote: "The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man (or woman)"

    Chosen by a Horse is one of my favorite books. I've bought and gifted that book for quite a few of my friends.
    I think horses add rainbows of colors to our lives. Without theme our lives would be flat and sepia...like your lovely photos.

    Ride on, my friend.


    ~Lisa

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  11. Beautifully written and constructed.

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  12. this is really nice, Tammy. I hear you on the vulnerability, it's just a part of it all. Loved how the photographs matched and picked up the tone.

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