Dec 19, 2010

Seven, Six, Five…..

One week until Christmas. Usually by now I would have taken a day off work to pick up the last few gifts that I couldn't get online. (Online shopping is the bomb!) But this year, I did not even visit or any of my usual online stores. I have not shopped at all. I have a scrub Christmas tree that has one strand of lights and under the tree is NOTHING. I have been a bit panicked about it; I've felt like someone is sitting on my chest. Every time I think about going out the week before Christmas and not only STARTING to shop, but FINISHING it… I get heart palpitations. Surely this isn't what it's all about, is it?

I've only myself to blame. Years ago, I got caught up in the commercialization of Christmas; of seeing my boys' eyes light up when they came down the stairs on Christmas morning and finding Santa had dumped the mother lode under our tree! I wanted them to have the same feelings I had when I was their age. But as they have gotten older, finding the perfect gift is harder and more expensive. They've become individuals with distinct tastes. Shopping is a chore. Oh, how I long for the day when they were entertained, not so much by the gift, but by the box it came in!


Some good friends and I met today for our annual Christmas lunch. Just being around their smiles and friendship has lifted my heart. Jules provided each of us with a huge gift bag of homemade candies and cookies. The things she made were almost exactly what my mom would make every Christmas. I can't describe how much this simple gift has touched me this year. She given me so much more than just goodies; she has helped me feel Mom's presence again. And I've been weepy all day. But it's a good weepy. J

Then tonight, my oldest son asks if I could give him some of the money that I would normally spend on him so that he could buy small gifts for a few of his friends. It was more important that he give them a gift than to have me spend it on him. This has really touched me. Perhaps I haven't failed at all. And if I weren't weepy enough, this has started it all over again.


  1. I know. I am weepy too about my mom. It's a gift how little things can give you comfort--like a bag of candy. And the big things--like being a good mom yourself, which I know you are, since you are raising such a beautiful, giving boy.

  2. Christmas time brings out a lot of memories and self-reflection. You have good kids and I've always smiled at your evaluation of yourself as a mother, knowing you are so devoted but don't give yourself enough credit.

  3. Oh Tammy. Sweet friends and good moments with your kids are a good reason for weepiness.

    I hear you on the gifts thing. What happened to $10 Barbies and Rescue Rangers? Now they want $45 video games and $200 Kinects and $60 jeans and . . .


  4. My Christmas is a time for reflection, a time to think about those who really mattered. And friends have an uncanny way of making us feel that much better? Its like a little spell has been broken, and all that goodness has been released.

  5. What a loverly heart you have Tammy ~ that's touched me deep, just knowing other yearn for simplicity and the true spirt of Christmas.
    Your son really is special for wanting to think of others. I'm happy that your special friends brought about such homey memories. That is what your family wants really...I mean, as we get older, the true gifts of pure love and understanding are the ones that last.
    Bless your heart , let it be light, sending an angels kiss to you!

    We just watched"Charlie Brown Christmas"...that speaks to me!

  6. What a gorgeous dog. White German Shepherd?? Merry Christmas to you and your family. :)

  7. I get how you're feeling. The holidays are tough when you've lost your parents and other loved ones. Good friends help create new memories and are such a comfort. I can imagine how touched you were by your sons generosity.

  8. Tamara - yes, Ritz is a White Shepherd. I just put together a new post about him.


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